i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
