best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize