i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
