So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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