pedialite and red bull = repair kit
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
