how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
