I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
operation have a gay friend backfired
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
