So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
