he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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