Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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