Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
