Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
