I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
