Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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