Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
