are you still at the devil's house?
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
