Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
