I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
