this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize