batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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