Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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