Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
