i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
