I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
