about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
