Pants 0. Shit 1.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
