I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
