I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
