everyone is single if you try hard enough
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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