At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
