Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm always down for nudity.
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