My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
