I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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