We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
