as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
