I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
