I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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