Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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