Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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