I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
