You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
