Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
