he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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