i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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