he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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