I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
