Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
