everyone is single if you try hard enough
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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