Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
