but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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