I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
