Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
