Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
