yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
