How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
