I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
