Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
