A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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