her vagina looked like bernie madoff
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
