I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
God, I missed his penis.
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