I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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