Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
