I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
