Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
