Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I have already put on my inside pants.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize