Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
