The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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